19 May 2013

Memo to the collective

Greetings to all and sundry in the collective!  The collective greets itself!

We are happy to report that the fundamental transformation, whilst slowing, continues even if it is at a snails pace.  There are unavoidable bumps in the road and the bodies are about to be piled under the bus.  To achieve that glorious end, to get to the never ending omelet of continuously breaking eggs, each and all of you have agreed to do one simple thing: follow collective talking points.

In general these talking points are given through the agreed-upon venues set up by your fellow parrots, and have also been circulated by various lists containing the letter 'O' and through some Old Media talking heads who are semi-reliable.  Generally it is that 'You've Got Mail!' voice from your preferred e-mail platform that brings to your attention the freshest, latest and mandatory collective talking points.  The collective goes through great expense and effort to generate up these talking points and your basic agreement is to actually use them.

As you may recall in the second paragraph of your agreement, the stipulation was that you agreed that you were minimally sentient, could walk and chew gum at the same time, knew how to copy and paste, and that you lacked the mental powers to make creative talking points.  We agreed to supply the talking points and you agreed to check all individualist thinking at the door.  You were no longer to have any morals, ethics, qualms nor any other individualist sort of second thoughts about what we handed you as you admitted you lacked the creative ability to do more than create simple sentences.  The collective was a bit dismayed at how many Harvard graduates were in that last category, but to get that never arising delicious omelet a few egg-heads had to be brought on board pre-cracked.

A few of you, and we know who you are, have not only not used the now updated hourly talking points, but have backslid on your agreement further and are now using talking points hours, days, weeks, months or, in a few cases, years old.  In doing so you are attempting to show original thinking which is individualist and that is not allowed.  Further you sound like an idiot and the collective is made to look like an idiot by your use of outmoded or outdated talking points and prior circulated non sequiturs.   Do note that with every e-mail list of talking points there are also fresh non sequiturs handed out for you to use to confuse and befuddle individualists and show a bit of comedy from the collective at your expense.  As part of your agreement you agreed it was better to suck as a chorus rather than as individuals, and by reverting to your individualistic suck you can no longer be brought into the tone deaf choir that is the collective.

Further you agreed that you had no ability to generate up original humor so stop it already, you are making the collective look bad with your attempts at originality which you admitted you have none in your possession.   That when combined with out of date talking points and non sequiturs have now put you into a position that you agreed not to get into, which is to suck on your own and show up the collective as unable to be creative.  Although this is generally true, the collective prefers not to play up that realm of humorlessness until such time as individualism is stamped out forever-more and the day of continual gloom without humor can be born into being.  Your job is to be without humor now, as stated in the third paragraph of our agreement, and many of you are violating that wantonly against the will of the collective.  Each of you is known and will face steep problems after the fundamental transformation is achieved so it is time to reform your ways, stick to your agreement and suck together because you will all blow it otherwise.

To the rest of the collective we ask that you continue to report on these individuals through the known channels.  Many of them are now straying from the fold and need to have talking points and non sequiturs applied to them, with new discoveries generated hourly for you to attack them.  Those you are attacking aren't getting this memo, never fear, and they have been cut off from collective talking points at first hand and can only get them second-hand via our standard parrot outlets.  By being in the know you are stronger than these born-again individualists and they know that there is no such thing as a born-again collectivists, so their walking is permanent.  The collective has no good graces, indeed it has no graces at all, and neither do you.  That is part of your agreement, as well. 

This means that many of you have become isolated from old friends, family and civil society and now live in basements with darkened windows, a government provided Internet connection on a government provided Obamaphone with government provided stipends and government provided excessed meals.  Since so many of you couldn't convert individualists as individuals, your only route in life that is left as part of the collective and now your poor eyesight, hygiene and dental work will need to be corrected by the IRS which will pay you a visit in the near future due to your inability to use even taxation software, like another collective member and tax cheat, and your inability to find any health care not provided to you by anyone.  We also provided running hot and cold water, toilets, toilet paper, one eco-friendly light bulb that will be replaced on a five year schedule, one old refrigerator, one microwave oven and even a surplus office carpet.  Towels were included as well.  The collective would like you to use soap with your water ration at least once a month to good effect on your body so as to cut down the stench.  That is in the fourth paragraph and followed up later on page 305 under 'Contingency Plans'.

The collective provides for you and you are to enjoy its largesse.

For those who cannot follow their agreement and use talking points, you will soon find collective members who will seek to find out first hand what your condition truly is.  The collective cannot tolerate individualists scamming our hard earned goods, and if you are one of those you will be found and ejected from the collective via the defenestration method.  We have our ways.  More importantly we have your Oreo cookies.

To those others who think that they might have found morals, ethics, a non-sanctified and non-secular approved religion, or even qualms and are distracted from your daily parroting by them, this is the time to shape up and fully rejoice in your lack of personality and self!  You know what happens to those who stray from the collective.

Again to the collective as a whole: rejoice in your mindless repeating of talking points!

Do as you are told.

Have a nice day.

Or  else.



No comments: