To The Leaders of Hamas,
Congratulations on your victory in Palestine!
You actually may not have expected this, but now you actually have to Govern. As in lead a Government. I am *sure* you will appreciate the role that your new, loyal opposition, Fatah, will give you. As you gave *them* such loyal opposition by sniping at them both in words and bullets over the years. I am sure they will do the exact same with you, if not moreso.
Do note that the new shirts handed you as the leaders of Palestine feature large bulls-eye targets painted front and back in day-glo colors. Wear them proudly as Fatah did so that you could more accurately aim at them.
Also note the keys of state come with strings attached. As most Western aid is predicated on peaceful negotiations with your neighbors, including Israel, you will need to amend your party documents to account for that. Otherwise you will get zero aid from the US, Japan, UK, Australia and even possibly such stalwarts as France, Germany and Russia. Or you can keep your prized concept of a one-state Palestine and forego foreign aid. And govern without it.
I am sure the vaunted industrial sector of Palestine will soon...... you may want to look into this as I don't believe that Palestine *has* an industrial sector, beyond terrorism and bomb-making, and there is not much Return on Investment in those areas, save as targets for Israeli bombs and munitions.
As you start to assess the situation you may have patted yourselves on the back, collectively, for thinking that you had pulled the wool over *everyone's* eyes in Palestine. I mean you must think the electorate there is as dumb as doorknobs to elect Hamas to try and Govern them!
Unfortunately they may be a bit brighter than that as you have been handed the booby-trapped prize of actually leading Palestine. It is a ticking bomb that you cannot, however much you may want to, explode inside Israel. Notice the few seconds that are left on the clock.
You have very little time.
Your charitable works you have always vaunted as actually *doing* something for the Palestinian people, and might have been enough to convince people you might be worth having around. You may find it is easier to run a few hospitals and many terrorist cells than it is to Govern a State, even a wretched excuse of one as Palestine is at present.
Also note that all of those wonderful handbooks on AK-47's and Kyatusha Rockets contain very little information on Public Diplomacy. Somehow most states fall out of the range of those weapons, and yet those very same states can reach out and touch *you* most vigorously.
Also note that decades of Arafat and Fatah rule have left the State of Palestine and the elements of what government there is riddled with cronyism, nepotism and petty thieves and crooks masquerading as public servants. Please do try and clean house as many of those same officials are looking eagerly at the aforementioned shirts you have been given. But not covetously. They have a glint in their eyes that you may remember from your time in the opposition. And they do want to protect what little graft they can now get, and siphon yet more money away from the State... The State you are now in charge of. So give it a go... clean house... try and *discharge* as many of these individuals as you can finger... ummmm... find... and ask them to peacefully evacuate their posts. Many of them have, doubtlessly, done so already, and cleaned out their desks, filing cabinets, lockers, arms caches, training manuals, and numbers to their Swiss bank accounts.
And, finally, once you figure out which is more important to you... One State in the Lands that may or may not have been Palestine, but were certainly run by the British and held by the Ottomans (wherefore are thou Palestine?) or trying go govern an unruly set of people that have been lied to, threaten, beat up, tortured, killed, abused and generally maltreated by your predecessors for decades. If you try to address the first one first, your life expectancy will be counted in days, if not hours. If you vigorously decide that trying to bring some order to Palestine just *might* be important, then you will have to figure out how to do so without triggering a civil war. One that you had been preparing for, oh these many years, and expected to start... as the opposition. But you are in charge now. And if it starts while you are in charge... well... it is usually the ruling group that gets it the hardest in these things. Check your history books for details. (You folks do *have* history books beyond recounting the injustices inflicted on the Palestinian people, right?)
So in closing, let me wish you Good Luck with your new found majority status. And Good Luck in dealing with your newfound Loyal Opposition. And Extreme Good Luck in cleaning the House of State of all of the Corruption that has infested it over the years. And Plentiful and Bountiful luck in figuring out if you really stand *for* anything in Palestine. And Especial Good Luck in trying to do all of this while trying to square the circle of your political beliefs, your neighbors and foreign donations to your little plot of land on the Planet Earth.
You will need it!
27 January 2006
To The Leaders of Hamas,