Time's Man of the Year as seen on late night tv

The following is cross-posted from A French Pig Party.

Read at your own risk.

... this is the best regimen for a world leader to keep fit!

The old days of flabby Russian leaders is gone with this regimen adapted from the Fitness Made Soviet... Simple! Fitness Made Simple For Wold Leaders by myself, Vladimir Putin. And those in the West should enjoy the low cost, outdoors approach.


While Russia has much greater diversity of climate, I have specifically designed this training program so that even those with modest means can achieve greatness.


What better ways are there to build up stamina and endurance than hiking by mountain streams? And, as an extra incentive, one does not bring any food with them!


One exists off the natural bounty for their meals, as an all natural diet, far from polluted rivers of industrialized areas make for the healthiest living. And I know that Americans adore fishing, so what better way to get fit than to combine fitness with pleasure?


Before this women would not even think of coming to me for anything other than my power in government... but now...


*click*

*YAWN*

As Seen On Al-Manar TV...

Greetings, friends... you know how it is driving to the market and suddenly one of friends lights off a rocket and it goes astray...


And because they were at the wrong place at the wrong time, they were called to martyrdom early...


But today there is a solution from Allah Insurance Company...


So simple even a Jihadi can do it!



*click*

*Uh-oh... re-runs...*

... to preface to say to All Americans on this anniversary when 19 of the Mujahideen were able to - by the grace of Allah - change the path of the compass they did not change the path of your media...


...and I have come to know why your failing democratic system and culture will not change! You do not take to the ways of the Prophet and respect those who, even in your primitive past, recognized that wisdom comes from those with a gray beard!


...after much study of your dedacent culture I, and only I, knew that to take the Mujahideen seriously they must be led by one who has no gray in his beard! You will see that I recognize that even from such an idolotorous culture as yours, it is possible to meet you half-way, as I am doing now.


Thus with this mighty view granted by Allah to me I have changed my ways so as to be taken seriously and so that the attacks of the Mujahideen can be seen for the brave effort that they ARE!


Now the mullahs and clerics can look up to me in awe for having cut years off my beard without having to cut the beard itself! Yes, Grecian Formula for Mujahideen...

*click*

On tonight's episode of Jedi Squirrels...

*zzzzzz*